spector:

gordon ramsey: so what’s wrong with the restaurant?
a staff member about to drag out every single bad and/or questionable thing their boss has ever done: 

trickortpwk:

BUT THIS ONE GON’ LAST CAUSE HER NAME IS ARI!!!!!! 

dumbthotticusplayer1:

when im playing out a daydream scenario in my head and i catch myself trying to rush to The Good Part™:

roumanian:

i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm

bootyscientist2:

10% off isn’t even a sale, fuck outta here

gwennovynne:

who else just wants to fuck off and living in animal crossing. my neighbor is a bird. i sold three pieces of fruit and bought a sofa with the profit. caught butterflies for two straight hours. my debt exists but the debtor literally doesn’t give a single flying fuck. i wanna go drink coffee at a cafe where it’s served to me by a Gentle pigeon. everyone is happy like 99% of the time unless you whack em with a net or something idk

thymelord:

me: immune system why do i have a fever

immune system: well the bacteria can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long so i thought i’d raise the temperature to kill them off!

me: 

immune system:

me: 

immune system:

me: we also can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long

immune system: